3 signs of low self esteem

When Ngozi prepared for her cousin’s wedding, she tied her gele neatly, put on her best dress, and looked at herself in the mirror. Yet instead of smiling at her reflection, she muttered, “I don’t look fine… my shape is not good like the others.” At the party, while everyone laughed, danced, and enjoyed themselves, she sat quietly, convinced that people were judging her. Ngozi didn’t know it, but what she was experiencing was not just shyness—it was low self-esteem quietly controlling her life.

Low self-esteem is a hidden battle many African men and women face. From the busy markets of Lagos to the offices in Nairobi, from classrooms in Accra to boardrooms in Douala, it shows up in the way we speak, the choices we make, and how we see ourselves. Let’s look at three everyday signs, told through stories you may recognize in yourself or those around you.

---

1. The Voice of Constant Self-Criticism

Take Ngozi again. Even after people complimented her outfit at the wedding, she brushed it off saying, “It’s nothing, others look better.” This is how self-criticism works—it makes you blind to your strengths. Another example is Chinedu, a young man in Abuja who got the highest marks in his exam but kept saying, “It’s just luck, I’m not that smart.” In our African culture, where humility is valued, it’s easy to confuse modesty with self-criticism. But there’s a difference: modesty recognizes your value without boasting; self-criticism denies your value completely.

Tip for us: Speak affirmations out loud. In the same way we greet elders with respect, greet yourself with kindness each morning: “I am worthy, I am capable, I am improving.” Words carry power—use them to build, not break.

African proverb: “Until the lion learns to speak, every story will glorify the hunter.” — Speak well of yourself, or the world will define you wrongly.

Reflective question: Have you noticed moments when you dismiss compliments or downplay your own efforts? What would it look like if you accepted them with gratitude instead?

---

2. The Struggle to Say “No”

Then there’s Mama Grace, a trader at the market in Kumasi. She is known as “the helper.” Relatives borrow money without paying back, neighbors leave their children with her, and customers demand credit. Out of fear of offending anyone, she never says no. But at night, Mama Grace lies awake, worried about debts, drained of energy, and feeling unappreciated. This is another face of low self-esteem—believing your worth depends on how much you can sacrifice for others.

African wisdom says: “You cannot fetch water with a basket.” If you keep giving without boundaries, you will be left empty. Practice small steps like saying, “Not today, but maybe another time,” or, “I cannot afford this now.” Boundaries are not disrespect—they are survival.

African proverb: “You cannot pour from an empty calabash.” — Protect your own strength before serving others.

Reflective question: Do you find yourself saying “yes” when your heart is screaming “no”? How could setting even one small boundary this week protect your peace?

---

3. The Trap of Comparison and Withdrawal

Finally, think of Amina, a university student in Dakar who loves singing. At choir practice, when she heard other girls hit high notes, she told herself, “I don’t belong here.” Slowly, she started missing rehearsals until she dropped out completely. Many of us know this feeling. In our communities, whether at weddings, church groups, or even social media, it’s easy to look at someone’s success and conclude, “I can never be like them.” This habit of comparison steals joy and pushes us into isolation.

What to try: Instead of saying, “She’s better than me,” ask, “What can I learn from her?” In Africa, we learn by watching and imitating—we sit at the feet of elders to gain wisdom. Use comparison as a tool for growth, not a weapon against your confidence.

African proverb: “The moon does not think of competing with the sun; it just shines.” — You have your own time to glow.

Reflective question: Who do you often compare yourself to, and how does it make you feel? How could you turn that comparison into curiosity and learning instead of self-doubt?

---

Takeaways and Call to Action

Ngozi at the wedding, Mama Grace in the market, and Amina in her choir—they represent thousands of African men and women carrying silent battles of low self-esteem. The good news? Self-esteem is not fixed. Like planting yam or maize, it grows when we water it daily—with positive words, healthy boundaries, and the courage to show up even when we feel small.

If the stories above resonated with you, know that you don’t have to face these challenges alone. We are the Esengwa Keka's, a Christian couple who combine the wisdom of the Holy Spirit with real-life experiences to guide people through personal and everyday struggles. Whether it’s rebuilding self-esteem, navigating relationships, or finding clarity in life’s challenges, we are here to walk with you. Take that first step today—click on the WhatsApp icon at the bottom of your screen to book a session, and let’s journey together toward healing, hope, and a stronger, more confident you.

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot harm you.” — Build strength from the inside, and you will rise unshaken.

Final reflective question: What is one small step you can take today—whether speaking kindly to yourself, setting a boundary, or embracing your uniqueness—that will water the seed of your self-esteem?